Okay, so far I was still alright. I had three girlfriends in a few months and was about to get the fourth one. A lot of people called me a male bitch, but I didn't care. People can judge me, I don't mind, it proves my life is way more interesting than theirs.
So I was about to meet that other girl again and her friends knew about that. A lot of them told me to watch my steps, because if I planned to play with her they'd fight me, but I told them, that I was serious and I was, I was dead fucking serious! I really felt something for that girl, from the day that I first talked to her. So we went together to a big festival that is here every year and lasts 4 days. I planned to stay at her house for the first of those nights. At the festival we drank a bit alcohol and weren't sober at the end. We kissed at the festival, but I told her that I'd like to wait a bit more. It was the 19th of February 2012. We stood together all the time that day. We were really in love. Everyone told me to ask her out that day, but I said I'd like to wait a bit... At the end of the first day we went to her house, she, me and 3 friends. We were laying there, about to sleep. It wasn't midnight yet and we were kissing again. I told one of our friends to tell me when it's midnight. So we were talking and having fun and then my friend whispered to me 'hey, it's midnight'. I took a look on my mobile to make sure, it was exactly 00:00. And then I took her hand, looked in her eyes and asked her 'Would you like to be my girlfriend?'. She was almost crying because of happiness and said yes and kissed me. Yeah, I was the happiest guy in the world at that moment. I knew the relationship would be something really special. And well, I was right, this relationship was supposed to change my whole life. We were together for 5 months and everybody always said that we were a really cute couple. We were very deeply in love, well, at least I was. We even went on holiday for one week together. I remember how we were walking with the dog, just me and her, when it suddenly started to rain. We were just enjoying the rain, we stopped walking and started kissing in the rain. When we came back we were both soaking wet. I sometimes just lay next to her, stared into her eyes and started to cry, because I couldn't face my luck. I was in love and I was so damn happy...
Then, after some time, she started to figure out that I was really jealous and I was very afraid of losing her. I always thought I didn't deserve a girl like that, because I'm not very attractive, not very smart and cannot offer a lot. I was just an unbelievable lucky guy, to have a girlfriend like that. She always said that I wouldn't need to be afraid of losing her, because she loved me and her love would last, but I couldn't stop. I always feared that someone would come and replace me. She could always leave me for someone else. Finding someone new wouldn't be too hard for her. And I felt that she was about to leave. After four months I felt that problems were coming up.
Yeah, well lately she replaced me. She left me. She said 'Niklas, I'm sorry, but you love me too much'. That was her reason... I couldn't believe it, I couldn't imagine a girl that leaves her boyfriend because of too much love. That day something died in me. It showed me the strength of love. It prove me, that it only takes a few seconds to destroy your whole life when you're in love. In those moments, words will feel like daggers in your back. When someone walks out of your lives, their words will feel like knives. And you cannot do anything against it. You can only wait for the pain to pass you by, or giving in to it by cutting or even suicide. In the last year I was always close to suicide, but I never had the guts to end it all. And now I can tell it was good like that. Your life will feel like a hopeless mess sometimes, but it's in your hand to make it out alive. You hold the choice between a good and a bad life right in your hands. And I know it is hard to go through the bad times, but after the rain you'll see the rainbow. Yeah, I went through a lot of shit, but today I can say, that besides a few wrong decisions, I always took the right path. I know this girl will never know how broken I am because of her, but I want to say right here, right now: As soon as forever is through, I will be over you.
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