I was asked, why I could remember those little details so well, this is because these days left footprints in the beach of my life. A lot of steps I later took are caused by these days...
So there we were, me and that girl. We kept getting closer, closer and closer. And lately... I was dating the best friend of my ex. People said we were a really cute couple, but I didn't really care for that. My best friend at that time said, that she was just to fill the gap, that my ex left by leaving, but I denied, I just could not admit. I felt something for her. I thought I was in love! So we were together, we met each other here and then outside of school, but not too often. When she first hugged me, I was the happiest guy in the world, because I felt so much love from her, it was an amazing feeling. Today, I still think, that this was the most wonderful hug I ever got. With her by my side, I knew I would have someone that would never leave me. I finally didn't feel alone anymore. But I still hadn't the guts to tell her that I loved her. 'I love you' were three words, which I didn't dare to say. And lately I realized, that she was a really boring person... We never really talked, I always had to entertain her, while she was listening, just listening. I got bored then too... But I kept being with her for the first. Yeah, you are allowed to think I'm an idiot now, but I am who I am and like I already said, I didn't really know what 'love' was. We got to be two months and for her it were beautiful two months, but not for me. I think I only was with her, because I didn't want to leave her and end up alone again. But then, someday, something really strange happened. I was talking with a female friend of mine and she had a really hard and bad time. She was depressive by stuff that happened in her family and her love wouldn't work out either. So she called me, because I was always there for her and she knew I would listen. She told me about her problems again, like we were used to. And at the end of the call she said 'I'm in love with a guy that I know doesn't love me back'. I asked why she was so sure and she answered, that he was having a girlfriend. I understood that, but I said she shouldn't give up hope on him, maybe they would work out someday. Then she asked me if I loved her... I almost fainted. I realized she meant me. I said I wouldn't know, I never thought of that, because I never saw a chance for us. Then she ended the call. It was late in the evening and I remember laying in my bed, unable to fall asleep, because my mind was about to explode. I kept thinking about that all night and then I knew what to do. The next day in school I went to my girlfriend. She wanted to hug me, like we were used to, but I made her stop. I told her I had to talk to her. Yeah, the universal way of starting a bad conversation, I was young. I told her that I didn't love her anymore and we couldn't keep dating. She was asking if I was joking, because it came all of a sudden. But I was serious, she started crying in school... And so did I... Until today she doesn't know that I was crying, she thinks it was easy for me, but it wasn't. I wanted to remain friends, but she didn't want to, I could understand her. But she didn't talk to me for more than a year, that made me really sad, but I didn't expect that back then. I waited a few days, a week until I played a live show with my guitar. I took that other girl with me. It was december and there was a Christmas market in that town. Before the show, when I was getting ready, I looked at the girl, backstage, and said 'No I need all the strength I have'. She thought I was talking about the concert, I noticed that. And I said 'Oh no not for the concert, for this' and I kissed her. She moved back and looked at me and excused herself, she said it was unexpected. Then she came back and kissed me again, that day I finally learned what love is. By kissing her I knew I was in love. It was like a bonfire in my heart. So many feelings at once, happiness, sadness, fear, security and I think this is love. Love is not just one feeling, it's a whole bunch of feelings that might overwhelm you if you don't watch out. And yes, when I was kissing her I was extremely happy. I went on the stage and rocked Christmas. Later my family spend their day on the Christmas market and me and my new girlfriend secretly went in the car. We were just sitting in the car, being happy and trying to figure out our luck. It was such a wonderful day and I don't think that I'll ever forget that day. It gave me a completely new view on things. I knew my life would be different from now!
So there we were, me and that girl. We kept getting closer, closer and closer. And lately... I was dating the best friend of my ex. People said we were a really cute couple, but I didn't really care for that. My best friend at that time said, that she was just to fill the gap, that my ex left by leaving, but I denied, I just could not admit. I felt something for her. I thought I was in love! So we were together, we met each other here and then outside of school, but not too often. When she first hugged me, I was the happiest guy in the world, because I felt so much love from her, it was an amazing feeling. Today, I still think, that this was the most wonderful hug I ever got. With her by my side, I knew I would have someone that would never leave me. I finally didn't feel alone anymore. But I still hadn't the guts to tell her that I loved her. 'I love you' were three words, which I didn't dare to say. And lately I realized, that she was a really boring person... We never really talked, I always had to entertain her, while she was listening, just listening. I got bored then too... But I kept being with her for the first. Yeah, you are allowed to think I'm an idiot now, but I am who I am and like I already said, I didn't really know what 'love' was. We got to be two months and for her it were beautiful two months, but not for me. I think I only was with her, because I didn't want to leave her and end up alone again. But then, someday, something really strange happened. I was talking with a female friend of mine and she had a really hard and bad time. She was depressive by stuff that happened in her family and her love wouldn't work out either. So she called me, because I was always there for her and she knew I would listen. She told me about her problems again, like we were used to. And at the end of the call she said 'I'm in love with a guy that I know doesn't love me back'. I asked why she was so sure and she answered, that he was having a girlfriend. I understood that, but I said she shouldn't give up hope on him, maybe they would work out someday. Then she asked me if I loved her... I almost fainted. I realized she meant me. I said I wouldn't know, I never thought of that, because I never saw a chance for us. Then she ended the call. It was late in the evening and I remember laying in my bed, unable to fall asleep, because my mind was about to explode. I kept thinking about that all night and then I knew what to do. The next day in school I went to my girlfriend. She wanted to hug me, like we were used to, but I made her stop. I told her I had to talk to her. Yeah, the universal way of starting a bad conversation, I was young. I told her that I didn't love her anymore and we couldn't keep dating. She was asking if I was joking, because it came all of a sudden. But I was serious, she started crying in school... And so did I... Until today she doesn't know that I was crying, she thinks it was easy for me, but it wasn't. I wanted to remain friends, but she didn't want to, I could understand her. But she didn't talk to me for more than a year, that made me really sad, but I didn't expect that back then. I waited a few days, a week until I played a live show with my guitar. I took that other girl with me. It was december and there was a Christmas market in that town. Before the show, when I was getting ready, I looked at the girl, backstage, and said 'No I need all the strength I have'. She thought I was talking about the concert, I noticed that. And I said 'Oh no not for the concert, for this' and I kissed her. She moved back and looked at me and excused herself, she said it was unexpected. Then she came back and kissed me again, that day I finally learned what love is. By kissing her I knew I was in love. It was like a bonfire in my heart. So many feelings at once, happiness, sadness, fear, security and I think this is love. Love is not just one feeling, it's a whole bunch of feelings that might overwhelm you if you don't watch out. And yes, when I was kissing her I was extremely happy. I went on the stage and rocked Christmas. Later my family spend their day on the Christmas market and me and my new girlfriend secretly went in the car. We were just sitting in the car, being happy and trying to figure out our luck. It was such a wonderful day and I don't think that I'll ever forget that day. It gave me a completely new view on things. I knew my life would be different from now!
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